Jewish Grandma Advice

My grandmother, like any self-respecting Jewish grandmother, gave me lots of advice. Lately, I am on a mission to act on it because as she told me, “You get to be 94 years old, and if you are at least a little intelligent, you know a thing or two.”

She often lectured on the importance of education and lamented that she wasn’t able to get a good one (she was 18 when she was taken to Auschwitz) but I think she was one of the wisest people I knew.  Life and experience are the greatest teachers, and her teacher was exacting and rigorous, and patient.

Here’s the first advice I am following:

 “Just try.”

What am I trying? At the moment, I am trying to write.

I always wanted to be a writer but I have so much self-doubt and “Who do you think you are” and doubt in general like, “How do you know you will really like it?” and “What if you get bored of it?” and “you aren’t good enough at it” and “you’re cringe” and “it is an oversaturated market,” and “you’ll never make enough money with it,” and, and, and…I can go on but I am sure you get the point.

I was always a type A kind of person. I wish I could do the things I know will grant me stability and success. If I could control my life to the T, I would. I love to learn, analyze, understand, and break things down neatly. It is weird to me that there is this creative, uncontrollable, writer part of me that wants to come out no matter how much I try to stuff it back down. I don’t understand exactly why but it is just something I want to do, something I need to do. But refer to paragraph one for all the reasons not to.

Here is what my grandmother told me:

 “You worked very very hard, and you should know, you’re very very talented,” (all of her grandchildren were of course very very smart, talented, and beautiful, and just the best in the whole entire world and she would mix up the word biased with prejudice so after she would overflow the most biased compliments on us she would say, “and I am not prejudice, this is just the truth.”) no matter what is going to happen. You can never figure out what is happening in life from one minute to the other. So, some things that I see aren’t going I don’t say stop it – I don’t say that. You try. If it isn’t good here, you go farther and farther, and you see. It’s not always everything is up to us but if you try then you know that you’re doing something. You don’t say no I can’t do it. You try and this should give you credit. That should give you the good feeling that you had the opportunity to do it. You never know when things will come up. Sometimes it takes years for something will wake up again. So, we hope. That’s it.”

I am working on my second book, my first novel, and all I am doing is trying. I sit down every day and write, quieting the voice in my head asking if I am wasting my time, if I will make money from it, and if it will even get published. I am writing because I am trying, because I want to, because I love it, and the process of writing, the process of trying, feels even better than the results.

I have seen this true time and time again. It isn’t the success that makes you feel good. It is the trying, the actual doing of what I love that fills me up. Maybe this is cliché but it is the journey over the destination. And you can always recalculate. You can always choose another path. You can always keep trying because you will never know until you try.

Another thing I have realized is that success doesn’t make you more confident. I am writing my second book now and my first book sold far beyond projection, was bought in twelve languages, and got beautiful reviews (which I appreciate more than you know) yet I am still doubting my ability to write a book. All these things I know and can speak about over and over again but apparently, there are galaxies separating my mind from my heart.  And so I will keep trying to keep trying. I will, “just try.” Not just succeed, not just plan, not just argue for the case why I should. Just try.

My grandmother would tell you the same thing. Try doing the things you love, the things that light your day up. Try doing what you want. Because the joy isn’t in the success. The joy isn’t in the accomplishment. The joy is in the trying. The merit is in the trying. In Judaism, you are never rewarded on the outcome, only for your effort. One of my favorite quotes is, “is not onto you to complete the task, but neither are you free to abandon it.” – Pirkei Avot.

Yesterday, I went into this amazing used bookstore and my writing insecurities resurfaced. I felt overwhelmed by the number of books that are out in the world. I wondered again if there was a need for the novel I was spending so many hours writing, there are already so many good books. Then I asked the bookseller if they carried my book, and he was so excited to tell me of course they do. He said it was a bestseller in his store and his readers liked it. It made me feel so good, that in a world where you have so much to read and so little time, you chose to read my grandmother’s story. I am beyond grateful to you all. This was my grandmother’s dream – and my dream too, and would never, ever have happened without you. 

Thank you for being my readers. And if you’re thinking of writing, in a world that over saturated with junk, the best we can do is saturate it with books too. Or, as my Jewish grandmother would say, at least try to.

What are you trying this summer? I would love to hear in the comments.